By Jaye Touray
A few weeks ago, in a conversation with a friend, she stated she may be sapiosexual. The mention of the word sapiosexual got me intrigued for two reasons. First, to know that she is familiar with the term. And second, because I just recently identified with it again.
While watching a true crime documentary, I first encountered the word ‘sapiosexual.’ In this episode, it was stated that a lady got attracted to a specific man—whom she killed—because of his intelligence that the lady was a sapiosexual. I had to pause the movie to look up the meaning of the word ‘sapiosexual.’ And wow! It was a revelation. It resonated with me. At some point in life, I was very much a sapiosexual. However, I didn’t know it then though. Until this movie, I didn’t even know a word for such attraction existed. I know that growing up, from primary school, I have always been attracted to the most intelligent girls or ladies in my class or batch.
However, in the recent past, I have been experiencing what I would describe as fluidity in sexuality. Or put, a changing sexuality. In late 2019, I told friends I didn’t find females sexually attractive as I was used to. Some of them found this intriguing given the ‘belief’ they have had of me as being ‘hypersexual’ or libidinous. I regard such beliefs about me as misconceptions as they are not reflective of the reality of my life. “Thank God; our prayers are being answered now,” one said. To some, the feeling I have had would be temporal as it may have been due to the professional cum social stress I may have been undergoing at the time.
There are many shades of sexuality. Some are sapiosexual. Some are demisexual. Some are bisexual. Some are adipophiliacs. And some are asexual— and just because they are in the
minority does not make them abnormal. They are just different. Difference is but an enrichment of human diversity.
I describe myself as a sexual libertarian. Consenting adult individuals’ private sexual choices should not be restricted by law. They should be free to explore their sexuality. For all those moralists who would want to come after me with moralist daggers, I am shrouded in a shield of amorality. Morality is not objective reality. Moral facts are not necessarily natural facts.
Nonetheless, when it comes to relationships with female folk, now, I am much more interested in the content of the conversation. Intellectual nourishment would be put on the table for mental stimulation as a daily sustenance for intellectual well-being. #Intellectual intimacy.
Finally, sexuality is diverse and complex. It defies the simplistic characterization it tends to be defined by in our society. An individual can have a combination of its variations. To whom one is attracted is primordially individualistic, inborn. However, the environment in which one is socialized has a significant influence in shaping it. The environment’s impact can be akin to its effect on beauty cultures in different parts of the world. One has to look around the globe to appreciate how diverse what is considered appealing and desirable, and therefore, sexually attractive, are in both females and males, from Asia, Europe, and Africa to the Americas.
